One of my earliest blog posts was on incentives, and recently I reached one of those goals I talked about so I can now buy this. I haven’t done so yet only because I’m waiting until I return to Eugene.
I recently bought two XL shirts which has become a new motivator or incentive for me. I can actually fit into them; it’s just a little tight. One of them actually fits real good when I’m standing and walking around, but as soon as I sit down the buttons struggle to pop out. The other one is a little tighter, but I can get into it.
I bought them because I was looking for some shirts to wear to a couple things I was doing where I wanted to dress up a little nicer than normal. I had the intention of buying 2XL, which is the size I am currently comfortable in (which is a somewhat recent development as of a couple weeks or so). But when I got to the store the 2XLs I was trying on fit a little bit looser than I wanted, so I went down a step. When I got home I realized I wasn’t really comfortable wearing the XLs yet, so I ended up wearing shirts I already owned to the events I was going to. But I kept the shirts, because I knew eventually they would fit.
That last sentence seems innocuous, but it’s huge. A little over a year ago I finally got rid of a bunch of clothes that no longer fit me that I was “saving” for a day they would fit again. When I was on the other side of this equation, gaining weight, I used to buy clothes with a little room to grow. Even though I didn’t want to get bigger, I knew that was the direction I was going. I would sometimes buy something a little tighter thinking it would motivate me to lose weight, but instead I would just end up never wearing it. And to say that was a little depressing would be an understatement.
I might be beating a dead horse here each time I mention my surprise at my changing attitude. But I can’t help myself. It is huge. Without giving it too much thought, I just figured it would fit fine in 2-3 months. Maybe less. An XL shirt. That’s probably a big size for most people, but I haven’t regularly worn XL in probably 3-4 years, maybe even 5. Being comfortable wearing XL again will be a huge milestone for me. One that even my tendency to downplay what I’ve accomplished so far won’t be able to explain away. I sometimes talk about this whole process feeling real to me. I’ve reached the point where I’ve started to get inklings of it all feeling real. Hitting XL will undeniably make it real. I look forward to that day.