Because it’s so cool to point out

Today, all done! Striking a pose in front of my recently decorated tree. ūüôā

Just vegging out today. So nice to be able to do that after the stress of the semester done with and traveling all day yesterday.

But, I posted the picture of me with my tree yesterday (and to the right again for good measure).¬† I just have to point out that the shirt I’m wearing is a Large. I can’t even remember the last time I wore a Large. Maybe Freshmen/Sophomore year of college? Not sure. Certainly it’s a little tight and thank God it’s black since black is a slimming color. But still, that’s awesome.

I, of course, posted the pic on facebook and got lots of facebook love for it. I like to post pics on facebook, whether I look good or bad because it’s nice to look back and see where I was at different points in my life. Everytime I post a “hot” pic on facebook I get lots of love, and I would be lying if I didn’t admit that subconsciously (or hell maybe even consciously) that’s a motivating factor when I post some pics. It feels good to be told you look good. Sometimes I feel like it may come off as me fishing for compliments, but really I’m not. I’m just super proud of how I look, and I want to show off my new look to the world as much as possible. It feels good to be told that you look good, but it also just feels good to look good!

And just to come full circle on something that I used to mention a lot, the loss definitely feels real to me now. There is no escaping that!

Perspective

Yesterday was a little discouraging for me, so I decided to take a step back and look at the big picture.  Put things perspective.

First off, I’ve lost about 84 pounds since January 2nd. That’s pretty huge. It’s such a big loss that it’s hard to believe. I have to constantly remind myself by looking at pictures of then and now! Since May 15th, my last weigh-in before leaving to California for the summer, I’ve lost about 50 pounds. Since August 14th, my last weigh-in in California before returning to Eugene, I have lost about 21 pounds. Since September 30th, the weigh-in right before my cruise, I have lost about 12 pounds.

That’s pretty amazing. I can’t stop looking at pictures of me from then to now and really feel how much weight I’ve lost since then.¬† I know I keep saying this, but I guess it’s feeling real.

Shedding the pounds

I remarked when I reached the 290s that I had lost my “law school pounds,” and now that I’m nearing the lower 240s, I think I can officially declare that I’ve lost my “Mercury pounds.”¬† I don’t quite remember what weight I was when I started working at Mercury, but I think it was somewhere in the 250/260 range.¬† Pictures of me at the time seem to confirm that guess, so with that guesstimate I can safely say that I’ve shed the weight I’ve gained since starting my first post-college job at Mercury Insurance.

As with pretty much most of my weight loss experience, I find that pretty remarkable!¬† Even though this past year I’ve been dropping weight, for most of my life I have been constantly gaining weight.¬† So it is always interesting to reach milestones like this along the way.¬† It motivates me to keep going, and helps make all this “feel real” to me.¬† Sometimes I get bogged down on the fact that I still don’t have a flat stomach or my double chin hasn’t completely faded away.¬† But then I look back at how far I’ve come and it gives me hope for the future.¬† I can do this.

The other remarkable thing is that most of my friends presently in my life I either met whilst working at Mercury or in law school.¬† Which means none of them knew me when I weighed less.¬† It’s sort of an interesting dynamic I think.¬† For me, my self-image is of my body image at ages 17-19 when I was probably at my best shape.¬† I think that’s pretty typical.¬† So I’m working down to that.¬† I have a frame of reference of where I want to go, so to speak.¬† I’m not sure what losing all this weight looks to people on the outside who first met me when when I weighed 260+, or at the start of law school when I weighed 290+.¬† I would think pretty interesting.¬† Of course, on the flip side there is also the people I’ve met for the first time recently who have no frame of reference at all for how much weight I’ve lost this year.¬† That’s certainly another way to look at it!

Incentives Revisited

One of my earliest blog posts was on incentives, and recently I reached one of those goals I talked about so I can now buy this.¬† I haven’t done so yet only because I’m waiting until I return to Eugene.

I recently bought two XL shirts which has become a new motivator or incentive for me.¬† I can actually fit into them; it’s just a little tight.¬† One of them actually fits real good when I’m standing and walking around, but as soon as I sit down the buttons struggle to pop out.¬† The other one is a little tighter, but I can get into it.

I bought them because I was looking for some shirts to wear to a couple things I was doing where I wanted to dress up a little nicer than normal.¬† I had the intention of buying 2XL, which is the size I am currently comfortable in (which is a somewhat recent development as of a couple weeks or so).¬† But when I got to the store the 2XLs I was trying on fit a little bit looser than I wanted, so I went down a step.¬† When I got home I realized I wasn’t really comfortable wearing the XLs yet, so I ended up wearing shirts I already owned to the events I was going to.¬† But I kept the shirts, because I knew eventually they would fit.

That last sentence seems innocuous, but it’s huge.¬† A little over a year ago I finally got rid of a bunch of clothes that no longer fit me that I was “saving” for a day they would fit again.¬† When I was on the other side of this equation, gaining weight, I used to buy clothes with a little room to grow.¬† Even though I didn’t want to get bigger, I knew that was the direction I was going.¬† I would sometimes buy something a little tighter thinking it would motivate me to lose weight, but instead I would just end up never wearing it.¬† And to say that was a little depressing would be an understatement.

I might be beating a dead horse here each time I mention my surprise at my changing attitude.¬† But I can’t help myself.¬† It is huge.¬† Without giving it too much thought, I just figured it would fit fine in 2-3 months.¬† Maybe less.¬† An XL shirt.¬† That’s probably a big size for most people, but I haven’t regularly worn XL in probably 3-4 years, maybe even 5.¬† Being comfortable wearing XL again will be a huge milestone for me.¬† One that even my tendency to downplay what I’ve accomplished so far won’t be able to explain away.¬† I sometimes talk about this whole process feeling real to me.¬† I’ve reached the point where I’ve started to get inklings of it all feeling real.¬† Hitting XL will undeniably make it real.¬† I look forward to that day.

Things are looking up

Reasons I’m in a good mood:

  • I need a new belt. I’m on the last rung of the one I have, and it’s not quite doing its job.
  • I need to get my suits altered. I put my suit on today and it was way too big. There was probably 3 inches of space between my pants and body. Thank God I had suspenders keeping my pants up. Still, I’m sure it looked odd!
  • In a related note to above, when I wore my suit in December for the interview of the job I started today, it almost was too small. That was somewhat depressing. This, however, felt pretty damn good even if it looked weird.
  • Getting up at 5am to walk. Yes, that’s early, but it’s not a bad way to start the day.

Now I just need to figure out some plans to stay active this summer. I’m thinking of joining a gym, but it’s kind of expensive. I probably will, just need to figure out how to work it into my schedule.

Yeah, the weight loss is starting to feel real.

It’s feeling real, now. I think.

I’ve discussed here before how I have a hard time feeling that my weight loss is real.¬† This is mostly due to the loss being incremental rather than sudden.¬† It’s hard to see it in the mirror when it’s happening gradually over time.¬† Also, in the pictures I’ve posted here I don’t really notice all that much of a difference, except I can tell that I’ve definitely gotten thinner in the face since the January photo.¬† However, I was just posting some photos on facebook from a party at the end of February, and I could definitely tell that I had lost weight since then.¬† That felt pretty good.¬† It’s starting to feel a little bit more real.